So something terrible happened today. It started off as a wonderful day, took my son to daycare, ended up getting the day off from work so I decided to go have lunch with the man I have been seeing for nearly 8 months. We will call him........Martin.
A little back story. He and I met through a dating app. I told him upfront I don't date multiple people nor have multiple partners and he stated he has the same view. We didn't commit to one another until about three months in but we stayed loyal to one another the whole time until we determined that was what we wanted. He kept the dating app though and when I asked why, he stated his best friend had just found out his wife cheated on him and they were trying to work things out. Martin stated he kept the app and only swipes to see if his friend's wife is on there but promised he wasn't talking to anyone nor matching with others. Once the friend and the wife called it quits, around the same time Martin and I became official, Martin said he deleted the app and that was that.
Fast forward to today. I had planned to make him lunch when I got to his house because he had been sick and I wanted to do something nice. Unfortunately time was not our friend so he suggested going to Firehouse Subs. There we are, just got our sandwiches, laughing about something I can't even remember when his phone, which was laying face up by his arm, lights up with a notification. I know the icon. Its Hinge, a popular dating app in my area. He had just taken a bite of his sandwich but sees my face and looks at his phone. He then starts chewing very fast and holds up one finger as to tell me to wait. With every second passing my face gets hot, my breathing gets fast and I start getting very upset and it took all I had to watch that man chew his sandwich with his finger up like he had a great explanation for it.
His explanation, he was searching for his friend's soon to be ex-wife again. They were in the middle of the divorce and he thought showing the courts she was actively dating others would help his friend. "Okay, sure. Show me then." I thought this would be a simple request. It was not. He refused to let me hold or even touch his phone and wouldn't open the chats or even the tab that said "Their Turn." For those of you who don't know, that means he messaged them and it was their turn to reply. He wouldn't show me anything that backed his story or put my mind at ease. Turns out, he's a terrible liar. I was getting more upset and was talking in a very hush tone since the nice family next to us could probably hear what I was saying. He suggested we leave. I agreed and when we got back to his house, there was no big fight or blow up. I make a point to see how many lies I was going to hear. There were several chats and he only opened one to show he just matched with the person but didn't respond. He said he had to match with someone every now and then or the "algorithm" won't show any more people to him. He should have just said "I think you are stupid" and it would have upset me less. I left.
There was a phone call later in the night and I called him out on it all. He cheated on me. He may have never met one of the women and I couldn't care less what the conversation was about, I felt cheated on. I told him I knew he was a liar and he admitted he did not handle the situation well. He swore he was really looking for the wife and did match to keep the app from kicking him (still don't think that is a thing) but he also admitted to talking to other girls on the app. He said none of the conversations were inappropriate in nature and were only friendly. He didn't entertain any flirting but just had conversations with them while swiping through. He promised he deleted the app and said he didn't tell me what he was doing because he knew it would upset me. I was far to upset to even keep going with the phone call. I am still past the point of being pi**** off.
Here is the part where I need a girlfriend to slap me and tell me I am stupid and delusional. I really do love him and a huge part of me wants to believe him and call this a one time fluke. Another part of me wants to slash three of his tires. I haven't told him my decision yet. I was far to mad to talk to him anymore and I don't think that should be sent through text. I thought I would sleep, calm down, and approach it in the morning. As you can tell from the time of this post, that is not happening like I planned. I need help. I need to find a way to do what is best for me and not lose my self on the way. My heart wants to work it out and see what happens from here. My brain is telling me to dump him or I will be made a fool again. He swore he never went out with the girls, never exchanged numbers, never flirted or had any conversation more than PG rated. My heart wants to believe him. It wants to stay and see it through, maybe make some of his life a living hell (jokes), but my brain is so mad, hurt, calculating how long it would take him to betray me again. I have no one to talk my choices though. Help.
-Rose-
Comments