Life got overwhelming since my last post. A new position at work, finals for my college courses, and of course dealing with the "boyfriend."
So I am a cop. I work for a Sheriff's office and have been with them for nearly eight years. I hate my job, mostly for what it takes from me. It takes too much time from my son. I have been berated for needing to go home and take care of a sick kid with the phrase "your job should come first, family second." I have been job hunting for a new job since. It takes my peace and sleep. Other than when I get forced to take overtime shifts and work overnights, I struggle to sleep on a average night. It has taken my mind since I can never unsee my cases or see things the same way most people do.
I have been a road deputy for many years, a dispatcher when I was pregnant, an investigator specializing in digital forensics and sex crimes against children. I requested a position that matched my son's daycare schedule so I moved into the school resource department. I was expecting to be placed in my usual school with the new school year starting but I have been relocated to another school. I'm the new kid all over again. I spent the past week learning the new school, staff, and trouble areas.
Part of me looking for a new career means finishing my degree in clinical psychology. I started law enforcement at a very young age and stopped taking classes since the job took all my time. Now I have a bigger reason to be motivated, even if it means getting an hour or two of sleep several nights in a row. I will be done in the spring of next year and I am so excited for this. I am ready to create a new life for my son and myself, one where I can work on the damage done from law enforcement and raise my son, make him my main focus and no one else will try to tell me differently. He is my main focus now but my supervisors try to make me see differently.
As for the "boyfriend." This part has bee difficult and draining. Its been hard on me and a battle between what I want and what I should do. I know I have been manipulated and gaslighted into staying with him, at least for the time being. I ended things. We said our goodbyes in not so nice terms, it was done. But then he was back and the conversation was angry and convinced me I was the problem. I was too tired to argue anymore and I backed down. By no means do I want or need sympathy. I know I am dumb and what I should do but I find it to be hard to do. I do love him but I know that is not a good enough reason to be treated like this. A part of me wants to see change and hopes it will all work out in the end. The other part of me, the angry part, is tired and backed down to the moment.
If you look at my Instagram post, you will see I also had surgery. I am a redhead and the joys of that is it comes with fair skin. I had onset melanoma on my throat so I had to get that taken care of immediately but the stitches have been removed since then, leaving nothing by a scar and a clean pathology report. Like I said, life got busy.
-Rose-
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